I Hate Pulling Out

Sometimes, if you want 2 b cautious and safeguard yourself and others, it's best 2 pull out. U know what I mean? I mean, I really hate 2 do it, it really doesn't feel right, but what else can I do? I've had absolutely zero time to rehearse with Elise Major's band, she's even too busy to rehearse for even two nights next week. I'd get on stage and sing to a track, but outside in front of thousands of people who don't know me and for 40 minutes??? I don't think so. I only wanna come correct, I don't wanna be a preemie.

So, I'm forced 2 pull out of the Baltimore Music Conference.

Now, what did U think I was talking about at first? Uh huh. U nasty fuck.

Meanwhile, I learned choreography for the entire song of "Atlantis" last night and I have exactly 2 hours tonight to learn it and get it right before I have to perform it on Saturday night 4 the boys and bears of the Poconos. I have one thing 2 say about this .......

!SHIT!

"...baby, just don't pull out on me yet." - TLC, Don't Pull Out on Me Yet

Calling Monica

So, I’m sitting here at my desk cracking my co-worker up cuz I’m singing “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” (the Madonna version) (from Evita) (God, can I really be getting gayer as I get older???) Anyway, I’ve been thinking over the past few days that I’m letting my pursuit of a music career slide as a result of getting involved in this business venture. Granted, I’m only doing this business venture so that I can quit my full time job and actually HAVE a music career and not just pursue it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to slack off of my music in the meantime either.

SO, my favorite music business guru David Hooper has always advocated and suggested hiring interns. I think the time might finally be right for me to do that. I wonder if Monica has a younger brother? Scratch that. If that bitch couldn’t keep her mouth shut, why would her brother? And anyway I think I want a blonde. Yeah, some blonde haired blue eyed eager boy to come in for a few hours a week … , with nice and defined arms and abs, yeah, he’d have to work with very little on … fuck it, he’d be naked and ready to fulfill my every demand … wait a minute, this is clearly crossing the line, right? Hee hee.

Seriously though, an intern could do all the simple things I no longer have time to do … mail press kits, do research, send off epks and try to get bookings, follow ups, get reviews … and that’s just to start. I got a HUGE response when I placed ads for a webmaster and graphic designer. Why not try this too? I have nothing 2 lose and everything 2 gain, right?

Right … as long as I don’t get caught like Clinton!

“Have I said 2 much? There’s nothing more I can think of 2 say 2 u.” – Madonna, Don’t Cry For Me Argentina

Breathtaking

Mr. Adorable took me to see the Philharmonic Maryland Orchestra yesterday and it was ... breathtaking. I've always loved orchestral music but never went to a symphony or never really got into it much, just kind of enjoyed it from the sidelines so 2 speak. But now I want more. I wouldn't mind taking some classes or learning some new instruments or even learning music theory. If only I had the time. In 2 years, I will.

Speaking of Mr. Adorable. ... He's breathtaking. Truly. We've known each other a whole month now and all I can say (cuz I don't wanna jinx it) is that I don't think I've been this happy with anyone. Ever. And I think it's only just begun.

I have a full week ahead of me ... business meetings, dance rehearsals for my show this weekend and then the trip to the Poconos where I will perform in front of a crowd of boys and bears apparently. I think it's gonna be a blast. I've never been to the mountains before, I've never performed these particular songs this way before, Mr. Adorable is coming with me, it's all good! I just hope I can sell some CDs while I'm there. I'm down to 20 on hand and I'll only have the money for a reprint if I can sell the ones I have. (And yes, Tori and AC, I will be performing Make U Scream ... it's looking HOT!!)

I feel like Willy Wonka, so very little to do, so much time to do it ... wait a minute, stop, reverse that.

"I only think of U on 2 occasions, that's day and night." - The Deele, Two Occasions.

Pics from Rehobeth

My friend Chad FINALLY sent me some pics from our weekend at Rehobeth Beach nearly 2 months ago. Not that any of U should give a shit, but here some of them are anyway. Remember this post about someone buying the shirt off my back? Well, there's that black Jagermeister tank that I loved so much... and there's a pic here of the lesbians who got it! There's me drunk off my ass and passed out. And then there's one where I'm trying to get in the water when I know my skinny ass can't swim a lick!














I really need to invest in a digital camera, those little fuckers are great. My birthday is coming up next month ... anyone ... anyone??


"... my love 4 U will still be strong after the boys of summer have gone." - Tom Petty (I think), Boys of Summer

I Don't have Viagra, Strap - ons or Ryan Phillippe Buttshots!

What kind of people visit my website, www.iamsaturn.com ? Seriously. I've discovered a strange trend these last two months. Every now and then I check my site stats and it lists the top 30 referrers of the month. Usually I get referrals from my blog (which you're reading now, thank U very much), cdbaby, other artists sites where I have links, other blogs and so forth. But this month ... well, why don't I just give U a sample of some of my top referrals:

http://drug.rape8.us
http://blackjack.caribbeanfestival.org
http://www.gay-porn.in
http://www.incest8.us
http://beast.zoo8.name
http://sex.rapewow.com
http://violent.rape8.us
http://hardcore.shemale8.info
http://sister-blow-job.stories-incest.net/
http://male-multiple-orgasm.herbal-source.net/
http://free-picture-of-mature-woman-having-sex.matures-porn.net/

What .... the ... F * C K?!?!?!


Why am I all of a sudden getting hits from all these wacko-jacko websites? What is it on my site that search engines are picking up that's leading to all these vulgar sites? Is it because the names of my CDs are "Deviant" and "The Virgin Poet"? It's a little bit scary actually.

I got an email from someone who happened upon my site looking for naked pictures of Ryan Phillippe. Now, that in itself is not odd, I mean who WOULDN'T want naked pics of Ryan Philippe??? I know I wouldn't mind! But that he asked ME how and where he could find some buttshot pics was just a little ... um, strange. I don't think I responded because, well, I just didn't know how to. I wanted to say "buy my cd and I'll tell U", but I can't yet resort to such desperate tactics!

All I wanna know is what does rape and beastiality and mature woman sex have to do with me and my music?

Can somebody help me please?

"Skyscrapers rise between us, keeping me from finding U." - Scissor Sisters, It Can't Come Quickly Enough

Cheap Date

The walls are moving, my stomach is churning and my head feels like it would be better if I just split it open and let whatever is pounding to get out in there out. Yes, I am in the throes of a hangover. BUT, and this is the kicker, I only had 2 drinks last night! 2 fucking drinks?? I swear, U stop drinking for a couple of weeks and your tolerance goes right back down 2 nothing!

And the worst part is this means I won't be doing my Madonna impersonation this morning and trying 2 ride a horse. Oh well, that might actually have been 4 the best.

Ok, I'm going to make the most of my time at home and practice my songs for tomorrow's session ... anything is better than staring at the ceiling focusing on how bad I feel.

Yuck. Thankfully, I'll be sober just in time 2 go see Mr. Adorable later this afternoon and have some HOT ... lunch.

" ... I use the music 2 try and get away from the strain and the pressure." - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam, Let the Beat Hit 'Em

Getting By

This week has flown by, yet it seems to have crawled at a snail's pace at the same time. Does that make any sense?

With my full time job, starting up Market America, and the career that is SATURN, I have been one busy turd, though I must say that this past week has seen Saturn activities suffer a bit to make room for Market America. But it's going to be worth it in the end. Every morning when I get 2 work and want 2 FUCKING SCREAM! I'm reminded and motivated of why I'm doing Market America in the first place.

I had a ten hour studio session last weekend working on the new EP. We laid guitar tracks. I go back on Monday to lay some keys and then we'll just have the vocals left. This project was already in mid-swing when I decided a few posts ago to not dump anymore $money$ into SJG Entertainment until I made some, so I kind of had no choice but to finish it up, right? Anyhoo, I'm anxious to see how it all comes out. The music, the process ... it's all very different from my previous 2 projects.

I have my first "dance" rehearsal tomorrow (unless they cancel) in prep for my show at Rainbow Mountain in 2 weeks. ONLY TWO FUCKING WEEKS! Ergh! Can we really pull this off?

Things are going well with Mr. Adorable. We're taking it cool, one day at a time, one little foot in front of the other. It's kind of nice having someone to call who actually gives a damn about how your day went. I must admit. Or just having someone to call and say "good night, baby". I don't think I've EVER had that b4.

Anyhoo, this weekend will see me do something I've never done in my life ... ride a horse! I don't know what the hell I'm thinking, but wtf. Why not? I only hope I don't end up like Queen Madge! (aka Madonna 4 all the hetero's not in the loop.)

"It's Friday and I'm ready 2 swing, pick up my girls 2 hit the party scene. 2night, ooooohhh, it's alright, yeah." - Aaliyah, Back and Forth

Porn Star Goes POP!

Last night I watched Naked Fame (or at least half of it before falling asleep) - the documentary about gay porn star Colton Ford's quest for legitimacy in the music industry. When I left off he wasn't having much luck ... and it's understandble. A 40 year old gay porn star trying to be a smash dance music sensation? You only ever heard small clips of his song so I can't say if it was good or not, but I do admire his hootspah (is that the right spelling?) and courage for chasing his dream cuz I know firsthand how difficult that is when the odds are against U.

ANYHOO, the point of this post isn't really about Colton Ford but his fucking unbelievably hot and DELICIOUS boyfriend porn star Blake Harper. (YES, Tori, he makes my list, too!) At one point someone asked Blake about the money in porn. Now, I'm not into gay porn, stop laughing!, I really don't watch porn unless it's playing in a bar or on the rare occasion I need a helping hand. Anyhoo, I don't know much about gay porn or its stars, but I DO know Blake Harper! He's one of gay porn's biggest names. He said that in his best year doing gay porn he only made around $30,000. Yes, that US money honey! My jaw hit the floor. WTF?? Thirty grand? In his BEST year? He had to be lying, right? He had to be exaggerating. It can't be that bad. If that's the best money you can make in that industry, why would ANYONE do it? Here it is I thought he was gonna say his best year was like $150,000 or something. Boy, was I way off.

So, there goes another myth shattered. $30,000 in L.A. is like minimum wage or something, right? That's really all gay porn stars make? I can't believe it. I'll have 2 go back and watch that part again at some point just to make sure I heard him right.

Just as a point of reference, I talked to a full time working actor yesterday who pulls in about $30,000 a year doing extra work. And that's in the Baltimore region, folks.

Again, I realize sex just isn't all it's cracked up 2 B!

"I wanna fuck U like an animal!" - NIN, Closer

Insane In Da Membrane

If the definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing but expecting different results then I must truly be off my fucking rocker.

I didn't go 2 work today because I got called to be an extra for an Industrial shoot. They don't call me that often, so when they call with work, I take it. It was the easiest extra assignment I've ever been on. I was only there for 5 hours and will get paid $106, and that's not including the food they always give us. I got to talking with some of the other actors there and found out that a couple of them actually are FULL TIME working actors, which is a rare breed indeed, especially in this area. I was like, "how in the world can you do it?" Well, they said, the first thing U have to do is give up your day job. That's something that David Hooper has been preaching to me since last year, yet I can't seem to wrap my little brain around it. Sure, if they can work full time doing what they love to do, surely I can. I'm intelligent, I'm motivated, what's the problem? The problem is, once again, FEAR. Here it is, I work a full time job and barely make enough, in my opinion, to live. And by live, I don't mean just pay the bills and be completely broke, I mean pay the bills, eat out, go dancing when I want, go on an occasional trip if I want, you know ... just LIVE. No big fancy lifestyle or anything like that. People who know me know I count every single penny diligently because it's the only way I can make the little bit of money I do make work for me.

But am I happy at my job? No.
Am I getting ahead financially? NO!
So why the fuck do I keep doing the same thing? I'm leading up 2 a change here, just hold on.

So, then I start thinking, well, if I didn't have so much fucking debt hanging over me, maybe I could chance it and go for what I love to do full time. Then I thought back to the last three years that I've been pursuing music and to all the thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars I've spent pursuing this dream.

Is what I'm doing working? No.
Am I any closer after three years and upwards of 16 grand in the hole to getting what I want? Not really.
So why the fuck do I keep doing the same thing?

The fact is if I would have not pursued music 3 years ago, I could have taken that same 16 grand and be completely debt free right now. The fact is if I would have never stayed with this job but moved to New York to pursue acting, which was my original intention when I moved to Baltimore in the first place, there's no telling what my life would be like right now. Not saying it would be better, cuz it could in fact be A LOT worse. I'm not saying I regret the choices I've made. The journey that I've gone on these last 3 - 5 years has served its purpose, but I realize that if I want changes in my life, I've got to change what I've been doing!

Well, change has already begun. In November I will have been working at the same place for five years. IF I were to leave, what would I leave with? Exactly what I came with. Absolutely nothing. The only way to get ahead financially is to STOP trading time for money. Earning a residual income is one way I can do that and THAT'S what I'm going to do with Market America. In three years, I'll be debt free and have a residual income that's great enough so that I don't have to work but a few hours and I'll be free to do WHAT I want 2 do WHEN I want 2 do it. Will I stay with my current company until that happens? I don't know. Doubtful, but I didn't think I'd be there five years either. I really didn't.

The next change that has to take place concerns the way I've been going about achieving a successful music career. What's the point of spending thousands of dollars on producing and promoting and marketing a product that hardly no one buys? I think I've just had this urge to do it because I write SOOOO much I feel like I can never get it all recorded and released in a lifetime, and yet I feel compelled to try, like it's my mission in life, what I'm supposed to do. But obviously, I'm going about it wrong. So, until I can AFFORD to throw a lot of money into my music (ie. in about 3 years when I'll be financially free thanks to Market America) I'm not going to do it anymore. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop or give up, it just means that before I spend $100 on my music, I've got 2 make $100 from my music. I'll re-invest whatever I make, the only thing is I have to actually make something from it and that's been the problem all along. It also means I'm going to change the focus of what I've been trying to do and come at things from a bit of a different angle.

Well, I'm working on a few ideas for that, too. I know I would like to be doing a lot more acting and writing along with my music, but as long as I'm bound to an 8 to 5 time stealing creativity crunching job, that will never happen.

Well, at least I know ... and G.I. Joe said knowing is half the battle.

"I want 2 be rich, full of love, peace and happiness." - Calloway, I Want 2 B Rich (yet something tells me this particular one hit wonder never quite made it 2 wealth, LOL.)

Off the Market

Yesterday my friend called me and our conversation went something like this:

friend: What are U doing later tonight?

me: I don't know. Nothing probably.

friend: (half-jokingly) U mean you're not going down to Central looking 4 cock later?

me: Nope. There will be none of that 4 me. I am OFF THE MARKET!

God, it felt so good 2 say those words. Granted, me and cute boy, who I incidently met at Central, have only been dating 4 a week, but I am so into him right now I don't even want to think about talking 2 someone else. Isn't that just the best feeling?

Now, yes I know, don't rush into it, go slow, take your time ... we will! But I'm so enjoying where we are right now. He is truly unique, unlike anyone I've ever known and he possesses so many of the qualities that I long for. Not to mention he's fucking adorable.

Now, yes I know, last time I said "I'm off the market" I ended up getting my heart obliterated into a million tiny little pieces. But the difference was, we had already been dating for two and a half months, the relationship was doomed from the beginning (I can see that in retrospect ... we just weren't compatible), and that guy was the complete opposite of the cute boy I'm into now. Plus, you know what? It's all a risk. U gotta be willing to get your heart broke if you ever wanna find the real thing, right? If you don't risk anything, you'll never get anything. It's the same in life as it is in love.

Well, my cards are on the table right now. Lord knows, I hope I FINALLY win this round. In the words of Madonna, I deserve it.

"I don't believe a masterpiece could ever match your face." - Kylie Minogue, I Believe In You

Donations to the American Red Cross

Well, my broke ass can't afford to make any hefty donations at this time, BUT what I can do is donate 100% of all CD sales to the Red Cross for the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. Many artists at CD Baby are banding together to do this and I think it's a great idea. So, you can help out AND get some great music!

Buy either one of my CDs at any of the following links:
www.iamsaturn.com
www.cdbaby.com/saturn2
www.cdbaby.com/saturn
www.cdbaby.com/all/oliverwood

"In your life did U just give a littleOr did U give all that U had? Were U just somewhere in the middle? Not 2 good, not 2 bad?" - Prince, The Last December

The First Date

So, me and cute boy that I met last week went on a date last night. We went to dinner and to see my friend Elise Major perform with her kick ass band in a showcase. He was charming, funny, relaxed, could hold a conversation and has some qualities I really respect. He's also fucking adorable. And unlike a lot of guys I've met, he's not at all afraid 2 show affection in a completely hetero environment. It wasn't the least bit uncomfortable or awkward.

I went into the date with no expectations of how it would go really, which is a 1st 4 me, but I must say, I had a great time with him. And we didn't end it with a handshake!

So, here we go ... on 2 the infamous second date!

"Everything is everything, what is meant 2 B will B." - Lauryn Hill, Everything is Everything

Can I Get A Ride?

Unbelievable. 2 days ago I paid $2.59/gallon for gas which at the time I thought was unreal. Now, that same gas is $3.45/gallon! WTF?? It would take me $52.44 just to fill up my car. Holy shit. I know it's due 2 all the devestation caused by Hurricane Katrina, but something is tell me gas won't ever go back down to the price it was only 2 days ago, no matter what. I think we are headed 4 some trouble.

My ass is staying in the house or car pooling or something. Party at my place anyone?

"Two thousand zero zero, party over, OOOPS! Out of time!" - Prince, 1999